1. Never loan James Bailey a dollar or give him a sip of your soda, neither will be returned, ever
2. Don’t go shopping with Taylor Oblad at Dillards unless you enjoy being frisked by large black cops
3. No matter how often Jono Bailey insists he is just friends with your girlfriend, follow your instinct
4. Tara Bingham’s fro will hold about 387 staples before she begins to notice, and 6’’ verticals are not something to brag about
5. Don’t tell large angry black men that you like their hat or that they look like D-Bone
6. Brian’s mom sunk the Titanic
7. If you are bored on a Saturday night, instigate a fight between Candice Stutz and Ryan Christiansen, that will probably provide at least 4 hours of entertainment, 8 hours if you drop hints throughout the week at Candice's pool
8. If you are Mormon and the black kids like you, there is a good chance you will be involved with a prom or homecoming court
9. Fran Bingham has the best stocked fridge and pantry this side of the Mississippi
10. Do your best not to upset Cody Evans…ever
11. John Oblad is Beck, don't take his BBQ pringles, and laser disks were a fine investment
12. The only thing funnier than driving through Taco Bell when Jono Baily is on headset duty is when Cam Steele wears a neck brace
13. Despite her Dachshund legs, Tiffany Zimmerman is quite nimble and fleet a foot - a mutant perhaps?
14. Girls from Bonanza High School like to wear hats; Kjersten Nelson feels that they do so both excessively and arrogantly
15. Yes, Chris Driscoll is probably as funny as all the black girls think he is
16. If JD Cornwall gives you advice on how to fix your truck, do the opposite
17. When the volleyball team celebrates a victory with wine coolers, you would probably guess it was the girls team—nope
18. Stacey Stucki glues things to her face, this is a frequent and often daily occurrence
19. Although small in stature, Steve Fatheringham can palm a basketball
20. Mr. Praetor has a tuff time remembering names, and Mr. Smith has a tuff time remembering his pants
21. I have never once used calculus in my day-to-day life, but those pots I made in ceramics—priceless
22. Student Government has nothing to do with governing, and everything to do with learning how to paint large signs on large rolls of paper while wearing matching hoodies
23. If you are asked to speak at seminary graduation, don’t concoct your own parables about leading donkeys over hills; this endeavor will only thrust mass confusion upon everyone in attendance
24. Pomegranates make the perfect midnight snack, but they also stain white shirts
25. 98% of the kids who wore active ankle’s whilst engage in a volleyball match, did not require them—Todd Hardy
26. Ryan Christiansen makes a mean glass of Tang, but his mom makes an even meaner chocolate cake
27. When Cameron Steele is missing from campus, he probably went home to drop the deuce and put ladies cream on his face...or adjust his neckbrace, ha ha ha
28. Ska was not the next great chapter in musical progression and Attaboy Skip probably won’t ever play on SNL
29. Loraine Bailey’s Impala can go 145mph on an open road, Scott Higginson's Maxima can not
30. Professional baseball player is probably not viable life ambition
31. Women who teach early morning seminary are Saints
32. Under gym lights in the church, I look like I may have a case of the jaundice
33. Although it is Demi Moore’s favorite meal, don’t order the Thai chicken salad at Planet Hollywood if you are allergic to peanuts, you may very well end up puking out the window driving down D Street
34. Just because you are playing dominos at lunch with the football players, doesn’t necessarily mean you know the rules of dominos
35. Brian Lanier’s house is a great place to score a chocolate muffin from Costco
36. Bottle rockets look way cooler at night and swiming at Brinley's pool at midnight is something you can actually get away with
37. Grocery cart derby is frowned upon by the fine folks at Vons, also no matter how fast you run around the store that nifty alien heart rate chair will never give you the reading “seek medical help immediately”
38. Plaid pants probably are not coming back in style and The Attic is open at 9am but the owner hangs out in his office downstairs
39. Angel Park does not appreciate it when you hit golf balls from the driving range towards the tee box
40. Your sword will not hurt the dragon at the end of the first level in The Legend of Zelda, you need bombs, they are available for purchase from an old mystical man if you go three rooms to the East
41. Hanka-S(h)anka-Chanka-Lanka-Banka is infallible
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10 comments:
Hey, give me a little more credit...it was slightly higher than six inches, well at least it use to be. These days we are looking probably more around 2-3.
And yes, you are right. Never upset Cody Evans. I remember very well him and Vinnie getting into a fight and Cody kicking the crap out of his car.
And the Underground incident...that was priceless, one of my favorite high school memories.
SOrry for the lengthy comment, but I must:
1. This is true.
3. Come on Matt, is making out really considered cheating?
4. I still have nightmares of Tara's hair.
5. You peed your pants
6. Yes she did.
7. Dee! You rock!
10. This still holds true. He is a cop and can kill you legally now.
12. Ahh Taco Bell...Ahh the neckbrace.
22. But you guys are all such great sign painters now.
24. I miss my old house.
26. Who can forget the days drinkning tang and playing 1080 and Bond?
27. I love you Cam, but you did wear a neck brace.
29. 165mph on Lake Mead behind the Texas. Matt, you gotta remember that.
31. Sisters Nelson and Oblad, I love you both. And you are both my favorite, just don't tell the other.
32. Yello-man
33. Oh the memories flood back.
37. I completely forgot about that. We still can never go back to Vons.
39. Or when you use the putting course and putters as a driving range. Or when Ryan goes swimming in the pond. Or when Cam sings "You Are So Beautiful".
41. It still thrwarts all free-throw atempts.
Bonanza girls' hats *shakes fist in fury*
At least we beat their butts. If not, those comments would just seem like words of bitterness.
One more comment: I just wanted to remind everyone that Sister Oblad kicked me out of her class my freshman year. I still love her though.
Not only do you look yellow at church but at my house too and I'm gonna go cuddle up with my Attaboy hoodie right now.
Did you know that there is a cat who lives at The Attic, and it still walks around while you shop. Inside. While you shop. I love that place...
Just so you know Jono, there is balance in life. Katie also got kicked out of a seminary class, and MY MOM took her. She loved Katie too. All is well.
actuallt this is james
its actually hanka sanka chanka Banka lanka
This is James doing a british accent. "Hi, Ma-e na-e-ma ees Jaw-eems." And he is right...it is hanka SANKA... but still it was one of the funniest things Matt has pulled out o' the rear end. I had completly forgotten about it.
Thanks for the clarification gentlemen.
Also for the record, although James did enjoy throughing my soda across the CHS parking lot, if you make a wager, and the loser has to buy the victor a brand new pair of black flies sunglasses, James is a man of his word and always pays up.
Cheers to that.
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