April 30, 1997
It has come to the attention of the Federal Drug Administration that teens have begun to put Crisco Oil on their bodies when "laying out". After minutes and minutes of testing the studies have shown that this act may be fatal. The skin may asphyxiate and lead to brain damage or even death. However, a potential alternative to the oil during the "laying out" process is Crisco buttered flavored shortening. It may make you smell like a movie theatre but it does make it easier to dry off after taking a dip in the pool. The water simply beads up and is easily removed with a towel. Make a note that the shortening may clog pores which may make it difficult to win a Senior Suprilative such as best hair, eyes, or most likely to look at himself in a mirror. If you are a junior in high school stop now so next year you can win such suprilatives. Please be aware of these warnings and take the necessary precautions.
Capitan Lemmon-Pants
FDA Administrator
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2 comments:
Ryan Carl Christensen, how I loved that day! By the way, every once in a while I can still smell butter on his skin.
I had to throw a bathing suit away because I couldn't get the Crisco smell out, another precaution that must be noted.
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