The Whiter...the Better.

Chris Driscoll's "The Tricks of How to get Black Girls to Love You"

Mr. Driscoll has long been known as a lady killer, but it was his ability to get the Afro-American females on his side which made him a legend. Many students studied Mr. Driscoll's techniques and became BMOC's. First lesson in this class: never use the term "BMOC" or the likes thereof; only dorks would say that...it was a trick and I hope you caught it. Here are some more of the basics.

1. Never act URBAN: you will only be laughed at and no one likes a phony.
2. Find a fashion niche and exploit it; Chris was known for plaid golf pants, progeny of Chris were known to buy crazy tight shirts from Savers or wear bowling shoes with taps on them.
3. Sing them songs by groups such as Jodeci, H-Town (not O-Town), or any song with sufficient sexual innuendo which would make them say "X person, you so carazy!"
4. Always dance as white as possible. Even if you have rhythm and know how to dance do not dance!!! Once you set the bar really high there is the possibility you might not meet it. You will be ushered away as fast as possible.
5. Use horrible pick up lines that will again make them say, "X person, you so carazy!"
6. Use their huge football playing boyfriends as props for jokes, no matter how big they are or how easily they could crush you. E.g., "Hey Devin Simon, you play football right?" "Yes." "What is your number?" "56." "No, I mean your phone number." He might give you a look like he is going to kill you, but he is laughing inside while his girlfriend laughs aloud.
7. Do something well that the African-Americans are known, stereotypically, to do well. i.e., Basketball, singing, playing the drums. They will love you for it.
8. Play open and public pranks on other students. For example, while ditching class, get the biggest brown paper sack you can find, and fill it full of something to make it appear full. On the outside write "From Mom...I love you soooo much." Walk into an oblivious friends classroom. Announce that your friend forgot his lunch at home and his Mom wanted him to get it so he wouldn't go hungry. Make sure the whole class sees the lunch sack and what it says. Hillarity ensues.
9. After school drive your car really slow and low as possible past the part of the parking lot where the African-Americans park. Blast either some hard core gangsta rap or go to the other extreme and blast Celine Dion or the likes thereof. Celine Dion usually turns more heads and gets more laughs.
10. When drinking any thing in a container and there is a little left sacrifice the remaming liquid and pour it out while singing, "I tip my forty to your memory."

Testimonials
I went from Pin head to Prom King - Cameron Steele

I used to wear an eye patch for heaven's sake - Taylor Oblad

I was big boned but I am still loved - Cody Evans

I have fire red hair, skinny legs, and freckles for Pete's Dragon's sake - Jono

I have yellow skin and horrible allergy problems but the sistas love me - Matt H.